CHAPTER THREE

 

Part Two

 

I Give Up

 

 

My entire body aches, I’m so tired, I feel like I’m going to be sick but it’s nothing compared to how I felt yesterday. Yesterday I was in hell. I slept on the en suite bathroom floor to be closer to the toilet because I was that sick. When it finally started to feel like just a really bad hangover I went back to the bed and it was daytime again.

 

My head was killing me so I just laid there for ages. Then I hear the lock click. I was so out of it I didn’t even know he’d locked me in. I felt too hung over to care. I’ve had supply issues before, I know it’s impossible for me to go cold turkey on my own. I want more of that shit he gave me and I know how to get men to give me what I want.

 

I’ve slept with hundreds of men, all different types, they are all the same. All men are only interested in one thing, what hole are they going to fuck next. I know how to make him give me what I want. Give the man what he wants before he even asks for it then he owes you. I’m willing to whore myself out again and again just so I can feel sweet lady H take me away one more time.

 

As soon as he steps through the door I know he’s going to be a tough customer, He steps through the threshold like he’s my dad about to beat me. He leans forward and I expect him to slap me but instead he picks me up and carries me off like I’m a little girl that’s fallen asleep and he’s putting me to bed. I’m so tired and weak I don’t bother putting up a fight.

 

I’m still naked and his arms feel warm against my body as he carries me through the house to the shower. He lays me down on the floor and I just start crying. I honestly thought he was going to beat me but instead he has his arm around me. I haven’t eaten, I’m dehydrated, feel so sick, I’m being kept prisoner by some psychopath and the worst part is this is the best anyone has treated me in a very long time.

 

“It’s OK” he whispers in the most soft, soothing voice. I sob a little then pull myself together. I put on the most sultry voice my dry vomit tainted mouth can muster. “I need another hit… please.” He’s not responding so I grab his cock and start wanking him off. He doesn’t seem to have any objections to me giving him a hand job and once he cums he’ll owe me.

 

I feel so ill and I’m exhausted, I can’t stop crying, he’d have to be a pretty sick bastard to find this sexy but I have to try. He put some shower gel on his dick to use as lube and I stop crying. Ah that’s it, now he’s well up for it. I can feel his thick veins ripple in my hand as I rub his cock. He really starts getting into it. Not long now then he’ll give me some smack.

 

Dammit it’s taking too long so I start sucking it. The shower gel tastes awful but I don’t care I’ll do anything to make him give me more of that shit. I already feel sick anyway. Just when I start to give him deep throat he says he doesn’t want to give me any because he wants me to be clean. I’m so pissed off. I’m not doing this for fun I’m doing it because I need a hit right now and he has everything I need to get one.

 

I pull away but he’s like. “Oh! Please don’t stop.” so I just wank him off instead for a bit. I think about what he said. He wants me to be clean. I can’t get my head around it my whole world revolves around getting high and he wants me to stop. But I know that deep down that’s what I want too. This guy is really fucking with my head and for some reason he has a hold on me.

 

I don’t know him form Adam but for some reason I believe him when he says he wants me to be clean, I trust him. I feel safe even though he pretty much kidnapped me. I start to think about how good it would be to live here in a normal house and sleep in a normal bed, have a real job and not have to worry about how I’m going to get my next hit.

 

He picks me up and looks at me like he’s going to eat me alive. I’ve met some very persuasive men before but this guy really gets in my head. I actually want to fuck him, this is a man who knows how to get what he wants and he makes it look so easy. “I’ll keep going if you give me some.”

“Oh I’ll give it to you!” I feel like a person that’s wanted and sexy not just an object to be used and discarded.

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I never kiss clients, the last thing a hooker needs is herpes or cold sores but I want to kiss him, he makes me feel alive. I try to kiss him but he just says. “Honestly? Is that really what you want?” I don’t want it but I need it, I’m exhausted, burnt out but I need more of that shit so bad. This is all I know now, fucking men for money so I can feed my habit.“Please. I’ll let you fuck me.”

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“That’s what you want? You want to be a junky whore until you burn out that hot little body of yours and die? Let me help you.” He pins me against the wall with a sultry look on his face, forcing my legs open with his knee. “You still want me to give it to you?” I know he’s right, I’ve always known how my life will end if I don’t change but still want another hit anyway.

 

He lifts my leg right up and drives his rock hard shaft all the way inside me. Having sex with him is like drinking, it takes my mind off the suffering for a short time. I let I let him use me like a fuck doll. I don’t mind, I don’t even space out into the place in my mind I go to when I just lay back and let it happen. It’s a lot more comfortable than being fucked against a concrete wall in an ally way.

 

“Answer me. Do you really want to be a fucking filthy junky whore for the rest of your life?”

“No!”

No what?”

“No. I don’t want to do this any more, I want a real job and a house and someone who loves me.” I can feel him pounding me so hard but it feels kind of good. We’re both breathless soaking wet and work it hard. I want to enjoy this as much as he does. I have an uncontrollable urge to moan, so this is what I’ve been faking all these years.

 

He’s relentless I feel like I’ve been running, I’m exhausted but it feels good. I can feel something build up inside me. I think I’m going to cum. Oh god! It feels good, I can feel my cunt spasm and I feel like screaming but I don’t want to make too much noise. I feel him spasm inside me and I cum instantly. I think I’m going to scream so I bite down on his shoulder and cum all over his hard cock.

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Everything goes all slippy between my legs and I can feel my heart pounding. I’m completely breathless and I can feel his breath against my body. “Let me help you.” With my cunt all wet and slippery he feels so good inside me, I don’t want him to pull out so I grind against him just a little longer. In this moment I feel human again, it’s such a relief to spending a waking moment thinking of something other than getting high.

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I know this feeling won’t last forever but in this moment I want it to more than anything. I’m ready to swallow my pride, I’ll do anything to be normal again. There’s so much going through my head, it’s too much and I burst into tears. “OK.” He puts me down and I feel all tingly as he strokes my head. “Good girl.”

I’ve tried to give up before I know what I’ve let myself in for but I don’t care.

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